Entry Four—March 22

Trust

I have wondered if I have ever really truly trusted. I have also wondered how many others in this world have trusted fully. I mean in the true meaning of the word. Full hearted trust. The dictionary explains trust as this: Trust is the belief in and reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, and surety of a person without fear of consequences. Now just read that over and think about that for a moment. The surety of a person, meaning you are sure and there will not even be a thought, about consequences to you. Is it possible for any human being to fully trust?

I suppose many would say they trust their friends. We certainly believe that friends would never intentionally hurt us. I mean if any of us told a friend a secret, surely we would be certain that friend would tell anyone anything that you said. Your friend would not breathe a word, right? It probably has never happened that your secret was told to someone else. But in the small chance that it did happen, was this a breach of trust? It most likely seems that it was.

A child is so amazing, a terrific example of trust to be a part of and to watch, most of the time. A child believes that a parent will protect him or her, at all times. A child has pure trust in the parent. A child will jump off the side of the pool or diving board simply because a parent is near. A child will go into a boat without knowing how to swim because a parent is near.

Children will ride bikes, climb trees, wrestle, jump, run, skate, and try just about anything new, not because they won’t get hurt, but instead because a parent is near. The trust is apparent.

For an adult, who is the one that makes him or her feel safe? Who is the one that he or she trusts fully?

It seems as we grow older trust wanes. It is almost like in some that trust disappears or is battered my misplaced trust. As time passes in a life, it often seems like trust becomes harder and harder. We seem to have to pick and choose whom we are going to trust and how much trust they will be allowed to have. But in the definition of trust there was nothing indicating that it ebbs and flows. Or that it can be given and then taken back. Yet it is apparent in this world that trust is broken at times. Maybe it was as simple as a friend calling and saying she’d be over and never appeared. Or maybe it was that time your friend didn’t invite you to the party. Perhaps the time you got hurt in a relationship where trust is implied. The time your parents unfairly disciplined (in your mind) when you were sure they would understand.

Surely this is why we are so careful in picking a significant other. Certainly we feel that when we fall in love we can trust this person with anything. There is no way this person would ever, ever hurt me. This one love can be trusted fully. With a love so grand and heartfelt, this person would never break the promise—right?

Trust is definitely not easy. There are many hurts in this world. And we learn over time that when we trust, we are vulnerable and can be hurt. Plus every time that we do get hurt, we seem to turn to being more careful the next time. Cautious. Guarded. Taking more time. Testing more often perhaps. One would think it is our spouses, our significant others, or partners that are the ones that can be trusted fully at all times. That each person in the couple, can also be trusted completely. Both sides knowing that the other would never do anything to hurt each other. Surely nothing could be done that was against the other. Isn’t that what vows are all about? Trusting, each other with a commitment to each other. Trusting, that it will for a lifetime.

Trusting, that problems will be solved together. Trusting, that we will listen to each other and take each others feelings into consideration. Trusting, that both want the best for the other. A trust that one won’t just take or have expectations. No taking for granted is understood. Trusting, that one does not have to be in control on either side. A trust that a person will always be there for the other, no matter what. This has to be the ultimate expression of trust, doesn’t it?

Yet our history as humans has not turned out this way very often. We give this act of trust a whole lot of worth in our world, and yet we seem to falter at it over and over. So I have wondered why that is. My dear partner, I will not lie to you. God, I will not lie to you. I will not cheat. I will always be faithful to you. I will stand by your side through everything. God I will be kind and considerate. I will always want the best for you. I will love you forever. I will live a loving and considerate life. I give you these vows.

Is it too much to ask to promise trust? Or is it that trust is too hard to understand? We use the word in different circumstances but at least I have found we rarely define what trust means or what is expected. In the meaning of trust, there is no fear of consequences. That must be too much to ask and absolutely too much to do.

I cannot believe that we are incapable of this. Nor will I accept that it is not something that is dear to every human being. It is precious and something that I think all human beings must learn how to do, especially when there are difficult times.

How do you know you can trust a person? How do you know that the person’s promise is true? Is it the words that are said alone? Or is it that you just take a chance? I think it is more that you have the feeling that you don’t need control over this person. This is why we have the need for control in the first place. So we don’t get taken or hurt. Perhaps control so we don’t have to trust. Yet so many of us keep trying because it seems to be something we crave and need. We want to believe that it is true that we can trust each other. And I feel it is practice for trusting God.

There’s a strange and funny thing about trust and control. The more control you give up, the easier it is to trust. I have found that trusting God is easier, and I take Him in better when control no longer matters. Taking in means I take the time to speak to Him and listen to the responses I feel from Him. I give Him my time. When you think about it, we have control of very little anyway.

I have realized that before I can really trust God day after day, I must define and redefine it. It really is believing, in my heart, there will be no consequence from trusting. This allows me to follow paths I have no way of knowing where they will end up. However it is deciding the life wanted and meant for me that allows paths to open and lead to the fulfillment of myself.

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